The Massaaaahhhge

I love a massage.  I love everything about it.  The aroma of scented oils in the dimly lit massage room, the gentle new age-y music, the way the therapist speaks in hushed tones.  Even the padded face hole in the massage table pleases me.  If I could afford it, I’d have a regular spa appointment once a week.  Maybe more.


And it wouldn’t matter what other treatments the spa offered — defoliating scrubs, body wraps, facials — I’m interested only in massage.  Twice John has given me a spa day as a birthday gift, and both times I eschewed any treatment that didn’t involve being rubbed.

Although I did make a fairly critical mistake on my first visit.  I signed up for the warm mud massage — it had the word “massage” in it, after all — and while the initial hands-on portion was sublime, once the therapist smeared on the mud and left the room for a while, all I could think about was how much time was being wasted; time that could have otherwise been filled with a whole lot more rubbing and a whole lot less lying there sweating.

I do have one very strict rule when it comes to receiving a massage:  other than the intermittent whispered instruction to roll over or to ask if the amount of pressure she’s using is adequate, the therapist must remain mute.  I’m not patient with chitchat during massage time.  I don’t need to know where the therapist grew up or what her children are studying in school.  Likewise, I feel no desire to report my life story to her.  I’m on that table for one reason and one reason alone, and that’s all I want to think about.  Massage me.  From head to toe.

Oh hang on, I almost forgot.  There is indeed one massage spot I’d prefer the therapist skip over.  Two spots, actually:  my ears.  When she starts kneading my ears it makes me feel silly.  I have no qualms about other extremities — each toe and finger thanks the therapist for the individual attention — but when she grabs for an ear, all I can think about is…big floppy ears.  And I have small ears, strangely enough, the right one even freakishly tiny.  Still, when someone touches them during a massage it’s like I’m Minnie Mouse.  Or Dumbo.

No matter.  Putting up with over-handled ears in order to be massaged everywhere else is a sacrifice I’ll make without qualms.  So when a friend offered me one of her pre-paid massage appointments, I jumped at the chance.  She had to give up the appointment because of a spinal problem that will likely require surgery, and I did suffer a pang of guilt for accepting her gift under such a circumstance.  Yet the feeling only lasted a second or two.  In my world, you see, the prospect of a free massage trumps all else.  I’m not proud of it but hey, I can live with it.

Especially when someone’s rubbing me.


6 thoughts on “The Massaaaahhhge

  1. OM yes message is wonderful. Just found a gal that does 2 hours for $50 in your house. I haven’t tried her yet but thinking very serious about it. It has been in the 100’s the past 23 days…another reason you are grateful not living here anymore, right?

  2. The art of laying on of hands to smooth out the sores and twist the knots, I’ll take two please.

    Never had my ears done, interesting, must be the hearing aids that stop them.
    One time at Whole Foods I had 40 minutes of bliss, first the right arm, much stress and then the left. Finally the back and neck. As I pondered, just how this small woman was creating the huge amounts of pressure, she said “Hang on”, and I heard as sound of someone jumping down of the floor. Raising my head I said “What was that I asked?”.
    Her reply amazed me, “I have to walk up the wall just behind you to get enough pressure for your tight muscles.”
    “Thanks it was amazing”

  3. Oh yes, nothing better! At The Texas Healing Arts Institute a Thai massage is offered. The woman that does it studied in Thailand. It is unbelievable that such a tiny woman could push & pull with such strength! I feel 2 inches taller when I leave and knot free.

    • Isn’t that something, Cathy? If I’d allow myself, while they’re massaging me I’d think about how exhausted the therapists must be at the end of a work day. Instead, of course, I think only about my own personal bliss. But hey, that means they’re doing good work, right? And oh my, they do.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s